Right and wrong

I'm feeling so random tonight. So wrong yet so right, so lost yet so clear. It's mix. Since young I learn to follow the rules, the way everything should be. I've always been this girl who follows all the rules and instructions. My parents was not harsh, they gave us all the freedom we want, I had very much fun and freedom as a child. But being the oldest daughter in my family had formed me into a very discipline and mature person. I know my responsibility. I know very clearly what not to do and what I must do. Yet deep within me there is this very wild little girl begging to come out of this shell that had lock her in deep inside. Every once and then, this wild little girl comes out of the shell and that's when I become very rebellious. But the sane part of me quickly took control and locked her back in.

There have always been wars within me. The right and the wrong. The reality reminds me of what I need to do. Study hard and score high. Do all my homework and revisions. Don't disappoint my parents because I love them so much. Respect the old and be patient with the young. Don't forget to say thank you and don't be ashamed to say sorry. Don't play under the rain. Follow the right path be perfect. These are the choices I made. I don't regret them.

But what is right and what is wrong ?

I want freedom. I want to let the wild part of me out. I want to break free. I want to leave. I don't want to score high for my test. I want to skip schools. I want to break loose. I want to get into fights. I want to travel. I want to leave. I want to leave this shell. I want to sleep under the big broad sky. I've always love the night sky. With all the stars above me. I've always wanted to play under the rain. Let it flow all over me. Feeling every drop on my face. I want to run. I want to forget everything and just leave.

The best feeling I had was when I was a child, on the field in my school. I was an athlete. I was a runner. That day was windy. I was running. That feeling when the air was flowing through my fingers. I still remember that feeling. I missed it so dearly. The feeling of freedom.

That little girl is begging real hard for freedom. Yet that little girl is the same girl who lock herself in. Pathetic. Growing up is very pathetic and saddening. Growing up is when you become mature. When the children become adults. Please excuse that little girl tonight for coming out and saying very immature things, for asking for freedom.